Saturday, January 17

The crumbs are mocking me!

With beautiful weather in our forecast, today was my scheduled car cleaning day.

I know what you're thinking...and the answer is YES.

Yes, I put "cleaning the mommy mobile" on my calendar.

Yes, I work around the somewhat accurate predictions of the weatherman.

Yes, as a cracker-crumbling-toddler's Chauffeur, the process takes most of the day.

Don't judge! Until you've witnessed a little boy spray milk on the window and remove it with his tongue, you'll never grasp the joy this day brings!

Stop #1: Pre-wash wash (per Super Hunk's request). Apparently driving through with three layers of dirt only seems to make matters worse...and you paid $10 for mud.

Stop #2: Actual wash. The line was long so I opted to vacuum first. Learning my lesson from the quarter-eating machine in bay #2, I proudly pulled in bay #1. As I clinked my two quarters in the slot, I waited...and waited...and waited. I soon realized that bay #1 and #2 were conspiring to steal all my pocket change and ruin a perfectly good car wash day. As I repeatedly took out my aggressions on the "quarters here" sign, a beautiful brunette bombshell pulled in bay #2 and emerged from her spotless white Mercedes. As she began inserting her quarters, I felt compelled to speak up but decided against it...misery (machine vandalizing) loves company. And then it happened, two quarters later, bay #2 began humming like a kitten on a new couch...only confirming my suspicions that Mercedes do in fact have more fun.

Stop #3: 2nd car wash, with seemingly operable vacuums. However, the change machine was a different story (because after the first debacle, I was fresh out of quarters). It took my perfectly crisp dollar and rejected it...over...and over...and over again! I was suddenly having flashbacks from childhood summers at the public pool when all I had was a dollar with a torn corner and desperately wanted a Zero bar.

Stop #4: 3rd car wash...because I'm no quitter. At this point, the crumbs are mocking me and Little Man is wondering why Mommy is going all "gorilla" on every machine in town. The vacuums are promising, as three other people are frantically racing to beat the 50 cent clock. In goes my first quarter and you guessed it...this happens.

That little booger rolled right on through like it was covered in butter and returned to me, its frustrated owner. 67 more times of trying (surely I inserted it incorrectly the first 66) and I finally decided to move on. At this point, I was the crazy lady, laughing uncontrollably at a machine that refused to take her money. Can you make my straight jacket with designer buckles, please?

I may be crazy, but I'm no quitter...

Stop #6: Whoosh, finally my intense desire and psychotic determination for a clean car prevailed! I'd never been more happy to experience that deafening suction in all my life (weird sentence alert)!

The point of this story is not to take you along for my daily chores but to remind you that sometimes all you need to do is press on to your "Stop #6"! Keep laughing, don't give up, and be sure to take lots of quarters! The reward is shiny satisfaction for a job well done!

Happy weekend, friends!


  1. Well Aunt Terri does love her Mercedes. Ha

    1. There's so many things special about you...not just your car! :-)

  2. Oh my word......hilarious Sister. Downright hilarious and I can totally picture this whole car wash debacle.

    1. Because you have crumbled crackers in your air vents and you can totally relate!

    2. The whole truth and nothing but the truth!


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