Never Say Never!

The person who first coined the phrase, "Never Say Never", had no idea how universally profound it would be.

They also never could've envisioned an entire generation using the phrase in relation to a hormonal teen idol.

I rarely give a shout out to Justin Bieber but it seemed appropriate in this case. While I'm at it, "PULL UP THOSE DRAWERS, for the love of all mankind!" Whoosh, I feel better!

My twenties were filled with a thousand "I will never" statements. I was so self-assured, so mature, busy establishing myself as a successful business woman who had it ALL together. Even as I type, it sounds ridiculous!

I'm now in my thirties (which, I hear, is the new twenties) and my thirty-something self wants to go back and slap my twenty-something self! Okay, that's a bit harsh...I'd at least send her a memorandum stating "You're an idiot!"

I'm glad age provides such clarity, aren't you?!

Here is my list of things I said, if I ever became a parent, I would NEVER do (while looking down my nose, in self-assured judgement, of course).

- I will NEVER let my child sit in front of the TV (can you sense my condescending tone?).  Mommyhood says, "He's sitting still........(backing out of the room, ever so quietly)......laundry, GO...GO!" It only lasted 10 minutes but what a glorious 10 minutes it was!

- I will NEVER wipe my child's snot without using a tissue. Mommyhood says: Tissue shmissue (the little red line says "shmissue" isn't a word but I'm going with it)!  On one occasion, not only did I NOT use a tissue, I used his shirt! It was a play shirt and we were in a pinch! Hush, this is a judgement free zone!

- I will NEVER put a pacifier in my child's mouth without sanitizing it first. Mommyhood says: He found it in the yard and was sucking on it for at least 10 minutes before I realized (pondering...we didn't come outside with one, did we?). Yep, serious candidate for Mom of the Year!

- I will NEVER use a leash on my child. I'm still firm on this one! Leashes are for dogs!

- I will NEVER give up my accessories, "That Mommy needs a cute necklace with her blouse". Mommyhood says: With a boy, anything hanging around your neck that can be yanked like a rip cord...will! Scarves are safer!

- I will NEVER go in public with baby stains on my shirt, "Lady, do you not have another shirt?" Mommyhood says: When the laundry pile grows before your very eyes (and you envision multiple days of wash...dry...fold...put away...repeat...100 times), "Ah, what's a little stain?"

- I will NEVER say "Because I said so!" Mommyhood says: "I'm Mommy and Mommy always wins!" I tweaked it for a more updated version!

And my personal favorite...

- My child will NEVER act like that! Mommyhood says: Really? "You're an idiot!"

I WILL NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN!

Never...

Ugh! I'm a work in progress!

(What are some of your "I will NEVER" statements?)